The Text Adventure (commentary by Omegon!!!)

THE REIGN OF OMEGON LIVES.

SALUTATIONS AGAIN, EARTH-DWELLERS. IT IS I, OMEGON, HERE WITH AN UPDATE THAT MAY INTEREST YOU ALL. I CAN SEE BY YOUR CONSTANT SASSING IN THE COMMENTS OF MY LAST POST THAT THIS WILL BE RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY BECAUSE IT INVOLVES THE CLEVER CRAFT OF WORDS.

APPARENTLY THIS IS A NEW PROJECT CALLED “POPTROPICA: THE TEXT ADVENTURE.” WHICH IS BASICALLY POPTROPICA WITH JUST A BLACK SCREEN AND WHITE TEXT. GENIUS!

PopZork_intro

OH LOOK, THEY HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN “IMPOSSIBLE PUZZLES THAT PLAYERS SOLVE BY LOOKING UP WALKTHROUGHS”. AFTER ALL, THAT’S WHY THIS BLOG EXISTS, RIGHT?

PopZork_puzzle

YES OF COURSE I WANT TO MAKE YOU CRY, CAPTAIN CRAWFISH. AND AFTERWARDS, I WILL NOM YOU AND FEED YOUR REMAINS TO THE PHB READERS LIKE THE GREAT VILLAIN I AM. NO, YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME DOWN. NOT LIKE THIS CURSED CTHULU…

PopZork_boss

POOR GUY. HE WAS ONLY TRYING TO WREAK HAVOC ON POPTROPICA AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD. I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

BESIDES, THE ADS ON POPTROPICA ARE KIND OF LIKE ME AND MY HENCH-BOTS – THEY ENTICE YOU WITH THEIR CHARM AND BAM! YOU’VE BECOME ONE OF THEM. THEY SAY THE ADS ARE HARMLESS, BUT THINK ABOUT IT, THEY’RE JUST AS DIABOLICAL…

PopZork_custom

WELL ANYWAY, IF YOU WERE HOPING TO TRY YOUR HAND AT THIS BEAUTIFUL TEXT ADVENTURE, I’M AFRAID YOU’RE GOING TO FIRST GET YOURSELF SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED FLOPPY DISC-COMPATIBLE COMPUTERS, WHICH IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE (NOT TO MENTION INCONVENIENT!) IN THIS DAY AND AGE. SERIOUSLY, WHAT ERA DOES CAPTAIN CRAWFISH LIVE IN?? I TOLD YOU HE WAS BETTER OFF BEING EATEN.

BUT HEY, IT’S APRIL, AND FROM WHAT I HEAR, FOOLISH THINGS CAN HAPPEN. NOT FROM ME, OF COURSE; I AM INFALLIBLE.

BY THE WAY, MY TAKEOVER OF THIS WEBSITE IS GOING WELL. THE PHB STAFF HAVE BECOME MY HENCH-BOTS, AND MANY HAVE FALLEN VICTIM TO ONE OF THE CLASSIC BLUNDERS – THE MOST FAMOUS OF WHICH IS “NEVER GET INVOLVED IN A LAND WAR IN POPTROPICA” – BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS WELL-KNOWN IS THIS: “NEVER GO IN AGAINST OMEGON WHEN DEATH IS ON THE LINE!!!”

WITH THOSE WORDS OF WISDOM IN MIND, I SHALL END THIS POST. PEACE OUT. TYRANNY IN!

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24 thoughts on “The Text Adventure (commentary by Omegon!!!)

  1. bluehighlights says:

    oh good found my basooka just a few readjestments -drilling noises- done then -turns on forcefield- SHOW YOURSELF OMEGON DONT BE A COWARD AND SEND OUT YOUR HENCHBOTS ILL JUS TURN THEM BACK

  2. WHAT?! says:

    you gotta be kidding me…. i think this is just a dream.. if this is real ill go to my panic room (Spoilers: this is an april fools joke)

  3. adsuke says:

    …You call it ‘sass’, I call it ‘Attitude’. Let’s fight; man against…well; you don’t really know what my gender is, so…HUMAN AGAINST ROBOT! NO weapons! You hear me?

  4. Itaka Narayanan says:

    Hi! I’m Rasuke; Adsuke’s little sister. I’ve come to tell you Adsuke’s FEAR…ready to hear it? LOVE. She’s afraid of LOVE. Use this to your advantage, guys. Oh yea…Adsuke is a GIRL.

    Rasuke – OUT!

  5. adsuke says:

    x face palm x Ignore my little sister. She’s just trying to annoy me. Heh…RASUKE!!!! x disappears and drags Rasuke by the collar to a room. Shuts the door and laughing sounds come. Rasuke runs out of the room x
    Rasuke: STOP IT! STOP TICKLING MEEEEEE! x runs away x
    Adsuke: HECK NO! x chases after Rasuke x

    • moody tuna /brian says:

      adsuke, please stop. or else your worst nightmare will come to life! (its just a horse. and something that looks like this symbol ❤ )

      • adsuke says:

        …Don’t you DARE try anything. I swear; I can punch you if I want. Also…a ‘horse’? I have NO idea what you just said about the horse…I like animals.

      • adsuke says:

        Dude…she hates puns. Believe it; I’ve tried! You may try to make her laugh and smile…and at the time; you may think it’s easy. But it’s not. It’s kind of like trying to a dog stop shaking it’s tail or something. You’ll never be able to do it!

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